


Tech Talks

by saiansha



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Banter, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Rocket Raccoon-centric, Rocket is savage af, Science Bros, Snarky Tony Stark, Snarky geniuses, Tony is a fanboy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 08:37:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20112250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saiansha/pseuds/saiansha
Summary: Set after the Decimation, in which everyone’s favourite snarky motormouth geniuses, Tony and Rocket, try to out-tech each other. Mild Endgame spoilers. Based on a Tumblr prompt. Read this onTumblr.





	Tech Talks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fancyboots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fancyboots/gifts).

Rocket wasn’t sure what he loved more: the sound of his voice, always the smartest – and snarkiest – in the room; or the sound of everyone else’s silence. Right now, he was getting the best of both worlds. He was parked at a table of one of the best outfitted labs in the Avengers Compound, snarking and muttering to himself, and best of all, there was no idiot hairless ape in there to ask him inane questions.

“’I’m Tony Stark, I have the best of everything,’” Rocket drawled, doing his best imitation of the creator of the Compound, as he tinkered around with a gun, something that looked like a cross between a spanner, a screw and a miniature pulley, and a needle. “Pah! He can’t even provide for guns that can fire in space! And is it _really_ too much to ask for a Copperhack T-745?” He exclaimed to no one and slammed his paws on to the table. Then, with a sigh, he concluded, “Pathetic.”

It was at that moment that the target of his frustration strolled into the sleek, grey sterile-looking lab.

“Hey, Build-A-Bear, whatcha up to? Creating more miniature fur-faces? Although, you’re already miniature so what would it be? ‘Nano-iature?’” The genius, billionaire, philanthropist and former-playboy said.

Even after his worst defeat – or especially because of that – he was as larger than life as ever.

“Oh, ha, ha,” Rocket released a laugh that sounded more like a bark. “Now I know where the smell’s coming from – it’s Tony Stank!”

Tony swirled a chair along and plonked himself on it, resting his arms around the back. “You’ve been talking to Rhodey.”

“Yeah, and you’ve been talking to Carol.”

“What can I say? I like listening to bossy blondes.”

“You’re not her type.”

“Oh, I know, but don’t tell Pepper that. Anyway, whatcha making over here?” Tony stood up to examine the mess that was on the metal table. Then, his gaze fell on a double-edged crowbar that Rocket was reaching for. His face crumpled into mock sympathy and high voice became saccharine as he said, “Awww. Does the little fur baby want a little help in picking up something too big for his little paws?”

Rocket pretended to think over it. “Oh, well, if you’re offering. Could you just help me with this?” 

Surprise washed over Tony’s face. He hadn’t actually expected Rocket to take him seriously. Still, he wasn’t one to deny aid. “Don’t see why not.”

“Yeah, could you right in front of the table? I need you to examine something.”

Curiosity highly piqued, Tony stood up and bent down to the table.

“No, closer, see?” Rocket asked.

Tony squinted. “What are you asking me to look at?”

“If you come closer, you’ll see.”

Tony lowered his face till he was at eye level with Rocket. “I still don’t see what you’re –”

“Do you see?”

“I literally just said –”

_SMACK!_

For a few moments, Tony was in shock. So stunned was he, that he didn’t even register the pain on his left cheek till a few seconds later. He realised he was holding his face to the cheek and rubbed it absentmindedly as his formidably intelligent brain tried to come up with anything, any other possibility or explanation other than the one which said that he had just been slapped by a talking raccoon.

“You want to see more of these ‘little paws,’ buster?” Rocket waved them in front of his opponent’s face.

“You slapped me!” Tony admitted at last, outraged. He resolved to get F.R.I.D.A.Y. to delete the footage before he exited, of course. No one would hear of this or speak of this ever again. Especially not Rhodey.

“Yeah, I did.” Rocket jumped on to the table and puffed up his chest. Tony hastily backed off and went to another corner of the room. “Whatcha gonna do about it?”

Usually, Tony loved admiring himself and looking at himself in mirrors and shiny surfaces as he walked by. But today, he was too horrified to do any such thing, for today, there was a red paw print branded on his face.

“There’s a paw print on my cheek!”

“Yeah, there is.” Rocket hoisted up the crowbar and jumped back down to his stool. “And you’re gonna be catching more paws if you don’t shut up, asshole.”

“Language!”

It hadn’t taken long for the new additions to the team, like Rocket, Nebula and Carol, to learn the significance of the ‘language’ joke. On the flipside, it had taken long for the existing Avengers to unlearn what had become a good natured rub that tended to invoke the feelings of camaraderie, team spirit and lightheartedness. Those feelings were out of place in this new world where the Avengers had only reunited out of tragedy. Those jokes that harked back to former friendships and easier times were not to be uttered anymore. But sometimes, they slipped – Tony more so than others.

Tony looked away. Rocket, too, understanding the gravity of that single word, looked down.

“Yeah… anyway,” Rocket said, trying to change the topic. “How much for that glowing orb in your chest?”

“Hmm?” Tony looked up, then down at his chest. “Oh, it’s not for sale.”

“Bah! Whatever. Bet I can make a better one myself anyway.”

That was enough to bring Tony back to his usual argumentative, competitive self. “Listen, you may be a furry version of John Cena, but do you even know what an arc reactor is?”

Rocket snorted. “Self-sustaining energy sources? Yeah, what a big deal. I’ve seen enough of those over my life. You wouldn’t even know what Anulax batteries and Quarynx batteries are, leave alone the differences between them!”

“Bet you don’t even know your periodic table, Ratchet. Have you ever created a new element that too while under severe palladium poisoning?”

“Oh yeah? And what did you name this so-called element?”

“Badassium.”

“What?”

Tony cleared his throat and repeated louder, “Badassium.”

“You what?”

“It’s badass-ium. Badassium.”

“No, no, I got that, but you named an element ‘badassium?’” Rocket exclaimed then dissolved into hysterical laughter that grated on Tony’s ears. He doubled over, alternating between clutching his stomach and beating the table with his tiny fists. “What kind of a loser names an element ‘badassium?’” Rocket shrieked. “Man, you’ll give Quill some serious competition.”

Tony raised his finger. “Hey, don’t compare me to Quill, furry.”

“What’s a furry?”

“You’re a furry.”

“No, I’m _the_ furry.”

Tony grimaced. “You shouldn’t have said that. Anyway, yes, I named an element I created badassium, suck on it. It’s not as if you’ve done any better.”

“Well, I handled the Power Stone.”

“Yeah? I got touched by the Mind Stone and still didn’t get brainwashed.”

“You’d need a brain to be brainwashed.”

“Oh, ha ha,” Tony laughed, imitating Rocket’s sarcastic guffaws. “Where’s your brain then, Rabboon? There’s not enough space in that skull of yours to fit in a brain, so it must be with a persona.”

“A persona?”

“Yeah,” he said, deriving great pleasure out of taunting an unsuspecting Rocket with Earth’s wacky humour and meme culture. “You’re someone’s ‘fursona,’ so where’s your persona?”

“Oh, I get it, we’re being punny now. Great job, Tony Stank. Bold words coming from a person who can’t even remote control his own armour.”

“Oh, please, I had an entire legion of armour that was controlled by my AI – who incidentally synthesised with the mind stone after I and Bruce combined the neural relays to create an entirely new life form. You ever created a new life form?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, but have you created a gun out of leaves and a twig?”

“Oh, please, talk to me when you’ve created an entire suit of armour with a targeted missile system from nanoparticles.”

“And _you_ talk to _me,_ when you’ve created a Hadron Enforcer!”

“What’s a Hadron Enforcer?”

“A weapon that can fit in a box of chocolates and is powerful enough to blow up a moon thrice the size of the pathetic moon orbiting this planet.”

“I mean, I did use my nanoparticle-powered shield to protect myself and others when Thanos blew up a moon, so…” Tony trailed off with an ironic shrug.

“Alright then, how about blow up an immortal entity that can create and destroy matter with a system of synchronised Anulax batteries whose explosion has been triggered by a sentient tree?”

“Well, my suit can increase its capacity by 400% if it absorbs some lightning magic from Thor, so I guess you must be facing a rather mortal immortal if he couldn’t defend himself from a few batteries.”

Rocket shut his eyes in exasperation, then opened them. “You ever create a force field around a ship ten times the size of the Benatar and then successfully blow a hole in its hulk to rescue your friends? Or, you know, even just flown a space ship?” 

Tony inhaled sharply. “Okay, that’s it. Have you ever created a lightsaber?”

“A what?”

“A lightsaber.”

“Is that another one of your elements?”

Tony smirked, beyond pleased to have finally got a clear upper hand over his tiny but mighty opponent. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.?”

The familiar cool, female voice of the AI piped up. “Yes, Boss?”

“Unleash… the Lightsaber!” He exclaimed dramatically.

A panel to Tony’s right, invisible before he had issued the command, emerged out of the wall. It extended forward towards the two occupants of the lab. Tony walked over to the panel, while Rocket crossed the table and observed it from above. In a metal tray, over a velveteen base, lay a shining red and golden lightsaber. Rocket’s eyes gleamed at seeing something so shiny and glowy, both literally and figuratively. He flexed his paws, greedily examining the sword. Tony grabbed its handle and lifted it gracefully, as if he had practised the movement several times before.

“Behold: A Lightsaber,” he declared, pride and nostalgia glimmering in his eyes.

“What’s it do?”

“Well, you see, my furry little friend,” Tony said as he brandished the sword this way and that, “it is a laser sword that can cut through your enemies like hot knife through butter.”

Rocket said nothing.

Tony’s smirk widened, overjoyed that he had finally, finally trumped the raccoon in what he had thought was his own game. Rocket continued to gawk at the lightsaber and Tony swished and swirled it all the more flamboyantly. If only he had known how simple it would be to impress the creature, he would have got it out sooner. It was the simplest and easiest of his creations, really, one that he’d created during one of his summer vacations. He’d refined the prototype over the years, of course, but it wasn’t as if it had required much thought. All it had taken was some imagination and some –

Rocket spasmed.

He let out an odd sound that sounded like a low-pitched squeak.

Then, he spluttered.

Then his face started twitching.

His body followed suit.

And then he was laughing.

Harder than he had laughed during this entire meeting.

So hard that he actually collapsed on the table and had tears streaming out of his eyes. There wasn’t enough air in his lungs to make a sound anymore, but he continued to laugh and laugh until Tony had had enough.

“Snap out of it already, will you?”

“YOU CREATED A LASER SWORD WHOSE LASER IS VISIBLE!” Rocket hollered. “ANYONE CAN SEE IT COMING FROM A MILE AWAY! THE STUPID HUMAN GOT RID OF THE BEST QUALITY OF LASER – THAT IT CAN’T BE SEEN UNTIL IT HITS A TARGET – AND THEN ADDED COLOUR TO IT AND IS ACTUALLY PROUD OF IT! ‘OH, YEAH, LET ME HIT YOU WITH THIS SWORD THAT YOU CAN TOTALLY SEE COMING AND EASILY BLOCK AND THEN YOU CAN DIE FROM LAUGHTER!’”

“Okay, I’m not taking any criticism from anyone on a lightsaber, especially from you, Puppy Monkey Baby.”

“Oh please,” Rocket scoffed as he got over the last of his giggles. “Don’t even talk about weapons with me. You people can’t even create a gun that can safely fire in space.”

“Oh yeah?” Tony said, sulkily. He was no longer in a mood to even banter with the raccoon. “And how would you do it?”

Rocket frowned then immediately straightened up. “Why, by installing a gravity simulator in the barrel, of course.”

Tony frowned as well. “Right, sure, but you’d need something small enough to fit inside there.”

“Well, that’s where your nanoparticles would help.”

“But they still wouldn’t be strong enough to create enough gravity to control the recoil… unless… unless you bind them to a Badassium core in a self-sustaining loop of energy that can create a force field strong enough to also regulate the temperature of the gun to ensure it doesn’t overheat or get jammed.” He declared.

Rocket rubbed his paw over his face. “We really need to work on a name for that element of yours – which isn’t bad, by the way, as far as inventions and discoveries go.”

“Thanks, that Hadron Enforcer of yours sounds neat as well.” Tony came around to Rocket’s side to survey the dismantled gun. “Are there nanoparticles involved?”

“No, it’s just that I’ve manipulated the density of the bomb. It’s a hundred times denser than the materials you would find on Earth,” he explained as he came around to help Tony fiddle around with his project.

“Might be cool to play around with one of those batteries of yours too,” Tony remarked offhandedly as he fiddled around with the spanner-pulley-screw hybrid.

“Yeah, might be. Also, do you mind getting me a Copperhack T-745, maybe one in vibranium or even palladium? I can share a blueprint. It would really help with the gravity simulator in the gun.”

“Sure can,” Tony said and looked up. “You know, you might actually be a lot of fun to work around with in the lab, more so than Bruce. He doesn’t like explosions, but you sound like an explosive guy.”

“I love explosions.”

“Well, I’m not saying that we should or that it’s a great idea, but maybe we could tinker around the lab together?”

“Yeah, why not? Need someone to lend a hand now that Groot’s gone,” he sighed, then picked himself up again. “At least you’re not like the other bozos in this lab who don’t even know what a spanner is.”

“Finally! Someone who speaks my language!”

“I’m still not calling it ‘Badassium,’ though.”

“And I will need you to watch Star Wars so that you can understand the glory that is a lightsaber.” 

“Unlikely, but whatever. Not like I’ve got much else to do anyway.”

Tony curled his hand into a fist and extended it to Rocket. “Partner?”

With an all too rare sincere and happy smile, Rocket curled his paw into a fist and bumped it gently against Tony’s. “Partner.”

Before he left for the day, Tony made sure to ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. to delete all evidence of the footage in which Rocket had slapped him. Unfortunately for him, he couldn’t exactly delete the paw print that still remained on his cheek.

**Author's Note:**

> 'Puppy Monkey Baby' was a CGI campaign mascot created by Mountain Dew in 2016. See a pic: [here](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/hRYs4iHJ04o/hqdefault.jpg).
> 
> Comments and feedback are more than welcome! <3 Thanks for reading!


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